Breathe
by Listy
Summary: John returns from a mission, happy that things have gone with out a hitch, or so he thinks.  Shep Whump pure and simple.
1. Chapter 1

_I don't own Stargate Atlantis or any of the characters (shame), this is just purely for fun._

_This has been sat on my LJ for a while, unfinished and unnamed, but with the help of my wonderful Beta Lauriel including the name, its finally done. So a big thank you to Lauriel, if it wasn't for her help and support I would give up and never finish._

_I take full responsibility for any mistakes. I am not medically trained so anything along those lines may not be accurate._

_This is a Shep Whump story……_

**Breathe**

Lt Colonel John Sheppard couldn't resist a self satisfied smile as he returned through the event horizon after another successful trading mission. Nice planet, nice people, nice weather and a nice leisurely walk back to the gate, with the help of people from the settlement and their beasts of burden, carrying enough supplies to last a month.

He smiled because his team had been ahead of Lorne's by three missions on the "Trade Leader Board", which came complete with little Puddle Jumper shaped stick on tokens. Obviously, he knew nothing about this board and had nothing to do with the crafting of said tokens. A leader could not be seen to condone making such an important task into a game. That said, a little competition was healthy and he couldn't wait to see the look on Lorne's face, when their latest mission report is filed and yet another token is not-so-discretely placed on his team's tally.

The trip had been largely uneventful. The only thing that was slightly out of the ordinary was hardly even worth reporting, or so Sheppard hoped, and happened on the return journey to the gate. As Sheppard passed by a large plant standing almost five feet high, with an impressive crimson red flower as big as a man's head, he noticed it made a strange hiccupping sound and promptly expelled a fine, clear mist, which showered Sheppard, settling onto his hair, skin and clothing. Sheppard sneezed as he inhaled a small amount of the substance; it had a sickly sweet aroma which was not unpleasant, just a little pungent.

Rodney had, of course, begun to instantly panic and ramble about coming into contact with deadly, poisonous pollen and being doomed to drop dead any second. However the people of the planet had reassured the team that being blessed by the harmless Red Dragon Poppy was in-fact seen as very lucky and would bring prosperity, happiness and good fortune to Sheppard and his future sons. Rodney nervously stared at Sheppard for the remainder of the journey with an air of suspicion. He kept his distance, obviously waiting for the imminent 'dropping dead' of his team leader. It proved to be McKay's usual overreaction. Sheppard thanked the people for their help and generosity, promising to return. Turning towards the gate, he signalled to Rodney to dial.

oOo

As the team headed towards the infirmary for their usual post mission check-up, Sheppard was starting to feel slightly nauseous because of the constant sickly scent left behind by the flower's mist. It reminded him of the perfume his great-aunt had always worn, that used to be transferred to his clothing whenever she visited and managed to grab him into an embrace, if he wasn't quick enough to make an escape. He was desperately looking forward to a shower, and sinking into his warm comfortable bed; he was sufficiently bone tired to get a good night's sleep and wished he could bypass the tedious check-up. However the wrath of Carson really wasn't worth it.

As usual Sheppard stayed back out of the way and watched as his team were one by one led away to be given a standard check-up. He was always last, taking seriously his responsibility to ensure his team's health and well being, first and foremost, only heading in for his check up once he was sure his team had been cleared.

oOo

Sheppard settled back onto the infirmary bed, his boots and tactical vest discarded near by. He was just resting his eyes and stretching out the muscles in his neck when he heard the familiar approach of the good doctor.

"Okay Colonel, anything to report?" Carson's usually opener and a sure fire confirmation that someone had mentioned something they didn't need to. Sheppard made a mental note to have a quiet word in McKay's ear the next time he saw the physicist.

"Nope, everything's fine Doc, nothing to report." Sheppard feigned innocence. He just wanted to get checked out and grab a shower; the scent was really starting to turn his stomach. Carson silently replied with a knowing look.

"Okay I got sneezed on by a poppy, but its fine. The settlers assured us it is harmless and the only thing I will get from it is good fortune." Sheppard inwardly groaned as he realised he was busted.

Carson lifted Sheppard's shirt and placed the ice cold bell of the stethoscope over his chest. Sheppard obliged whenever he was asked to breathe in and out.

"Did you ingest any of this pollen Colonel?" Carson was frowning.

"Maybe a little."

"That explains why you are having such difficulty breathing." Carson frowned and called to a nurse to take some blood. Sheppard looked at Carson in confusion.

"Carson, my breathing is fine, it's perfectly normal. Is this some kind of joke, because I didn't fess up?" Sheppard began to smile and relax slightly; Carson was obviously trying to make a point.

However Sheppard quickly started to reconsider this as Carson efficiently placed an oxygen mask over his face and adjusted the straps to fix it in place.

"Whoa! Doc, I'm fine, my breathing is normal." This was taking the lesson a little too far. Sheppard pulled the oxygen mask away to hang loosely around his neck.

"Vicky love, can you mark that blood urgent? I really need to find out what the toxin is that's causing the Colonel so much difficulty." Carson looked genuinely concerned, either he had developed a very good acting ability or something was going on.

"Of course Doctor Beckett, I will take it to the lab myself. Don't worry Colonel, we will have you fixed up in no time." With that the nurse left carrying the freshly drawn vials of blood.

This was starting to get weird, even the nurse was going along with it. Carson replaced the oxygen mask and as Sheppard moved to grab it and remove it for a second time, Carson grabbed at his hands.

"Leave it be Colonel and just try to take deep, slow breaths. Come on now son, try to stay calm. I know it's distressing but we are trying to find out what's causing this." Carson deftly began to attach the cardiac monitor and pulse-ox clip to John's finger.

Sheppard was about to protest once again that he was perfectly healthy when Ronon entered the infirmary; he had obviously showered and changed.

"What's taking so long Doc, Sheppard giving you trouble?" Ronon frowned as he took in the Colonel, complete with oxygen mask and the added monitoring equipment.

"The Colonel seems to be in a wee bit of distress with his breathing, I believe it could be due to ingesting the plant mist. It's starting to get me a little worried." Ronon appeared as confused as Sheppard.

"Seems fine to me Doc, maybe he's okay now?" Ronon offered. Sheppard sat up quickly to agree with Ronon, once again removing the oxygen mask. Carson grabbed at his shoulder and applied pressure.

"Easy son, just lie back, and try to relax." Sheppard grabbed at Ronon's arm, with pleading eyes. He was in trouble here; something was obviously affecting Carson's judgement, and also the nurse. Ronon stopped for a second then added his hand to Sheppard's other shoulder, pushing him back onto the bed.

"You need to do something Doc, his breathing is getting real bad." Ronon's voice suddenly filled with concern. Sheppard was so startled he complied and lay back down. He didn't understand. Maybe he was delusional, maybe he really was having trouble breathing, his lack of oxygen scattering his thoughts. He had heard of pilots being overcome with euphoria when exposed to low oxygen environments. However he was pretty certain this situation was not in any way euphoric.

Carson suddenly burst into action, looking around for the nearest nurse on duty. Vicky entered the infirmary and sped towards the commotion, handing off a white piece of paper to Carson.

"Vicky, the Colonel's oxygen levels have dropped dangerously low, and his blood work indicates high levels of toxin. I have no choice, I need to intubate. Get an IV in and administer the Versed, quick as you can love". Sheppard looked around in panic.

"Carson, I don't need to go on a vent, I can breathe fine!" Sheppard started to feel claustrophobic, and looked with growing panic at Carson and the nurse to his right. The nurse was attempting to insert the IV into his right hand. Ronon stood towering over him to his left and behind him was the infirmary wall. He suddenly realised the implications of his situation and took his only option. Throwing himself forward he scrambled towards the foot of the bed, making a run for it. He needed to get away, find someone to help him - Teyla or McKay, anyone. Strong hands grabbed him, preventing his escape, and pushed him back onto the bed. He struggled for all he was worth but it was in vain.

"I know you don't like the vent son, but it's for your own good; I daren't leave it any longer. I can't risk the possibility that you might stop breathing and I don't want to have to do this in an emergency situation. Just relax. Vicky will give you something to make you sleep and when you wake up everything will be better. Can we get some restraints please love? He's a wee bit agitated and I don't want his breathing further compromised." Sheppard was quickly placed in restraints and the firm hands holding him down lifted.

"Doc no... You can't.. I won't... please..." The nurse had succeeded in her attempts at the IV and had managed to administer the muscle relaxant, along with what felt like a sedative. Sheppard's struggling began to lessen, and his eyes began to droop, but he did not fall into the usual cold darkness. The nurse must have messed up the dosage, because although he was subdued, he was very much awake. He tried to talk, to beg, but his voice was gone.

"Okay he's out, quickly now." Carson removed the pillow from under Sheppard and adjusted his head into a position to facilitate the insertion of the breathing tube. Sheppard's eyes widened in fear - Carson thought he was asleep! The doctor who he had always trusted implicitly was about to force a tube down his throat while he was conscious.

Sheppard heard the snap as the laryngoscope was flipped open and felt Carson's hand exert slight pressure on his chin as the ice cold metal slid into his open mouth. Completely helpless, Sheppard began to gag as Carson quickly inserted the tube along the guide and into position and connected it to the waiting vent. His hands pulled at the restraints as he struggled to breathe. Grey spots appeared in front of his eyes and wished for the darkness to claim him, to take him away from this torture, but it never came. They were his friends, he didn't understand why they where doing this to him. He continued to gag and struggle against the tube obstructing his airway, forcing air into lungs that fought to work on their own.

oOo

Carson finished his checks to make sure the tube was in the correct position, providing the very poorly Colonel with the much needed help his body needed to keep on functioning. He sighed in relief when he was satisfied that the process had been successful.

"Vicky love, can you make sure you clean up the Colonel? Who knows what long term exposure to that substance can do to him, and us for that matter. Once you've finished with the Colonel, make sure you go and get yourself showered and changed, just to be sure." With that Carson headed out of the infirmary to shower and change, as did Ronon for the second time that evening.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Sheppard had no choice but to lie helplessly as the nurse removed his uniform, placing it into bio-hazard bags along with his boots and tactical vest. She quickly went to work, gently cleaning the substance from Sheppard's smooth skin, ensuring he was spared any indignity. However Sheppard felt the flush of humiliation burn across his cheeks as the nurse continued with her task. He felt hands lift him slightly as the bedding was removed and replaced with new. A clean crisp sheet covered his body to the waist.

Carson made his final checks of the Colonel's condition before he signed off, leaving comments on John's chart ready for the doctor taking the night shift. Sheppard's eyes followed Carson's every move, hoping the doctor would snap out of it and realise what was happening. Sheppard watched as Carson placed a reassuring hand on his arm, blind to the real situation, before he silently turned and walked away.

oOo

Dr Biro entered the infirmary a little earlier than usual. Carson had contacted her by radio to inform her that yet again Colonel Sheppard had ended up in the infirmary in a serious condition. He was to be her first port of call as she began her early evening rounds. As she headed over to Sheppard's area she was surprised to find the chair usually occupied by a team member empty. She picked up John's chart, reading the notes as she approached the side of his bed. She was shocked to discover the Colonel lying conscious, in restraints, and weakly gasping and struggling against the vent. She shouted for a nurse as she began to reassure the Colonel he was fine, and that she would help him. A nearby nurse answered the Doctor's call, entering the curtained off area at a brisk walk.

"Imogen, can you try and keep the Colonel calm for a moment, I need to check his blood work results." Imogen gasped as she realised the Colonel was awake.

"I thought he was sedated! Vicky told me he should be out for several more hours." Imogen moved beside the Colonel, stroking his arm, and began talking quietly and calmly to him.

Dr Biro returned a few minutes later with a white sheet of paper.

"His blood work is clear. I don't understand why Carson has done this. Let's get him off the vent." Dr Biro moved to Sheppard's side and urged him to focus on her voice.

"Colonel, I need you to stay calm. When I say so, I need you to cough for me, okay? Can you do that?" Sheppard nodded as Dr Biro disconnected the tubing from the ventilator housing.

"Okay Colonel, now." Sheppard tried to cough, which turned into more gagging as Dr Biro swiftly removed the tubing. Imogen quickly placed an oxygen mask over Sheppard's nose and mouth, and he pulled in lungfuls of blessed oxygen. Dr Biro and Imogen worked to remove the restraints and make the Colonel more comfortable. Imogen took a new blood sample to be re-tested, as Dr Biro thoroughly checked the now calm and drowsy soldier's vitals.

"Colonel... can you hear me?" Sheppard opened his eyes as best he could, but he was exhausted from the constant battle against the ventilator.

"Do you remember what happened? Did you have difficulty breathing?" Dr Biro was urgent in her questioning. Sheppard's whisper was barely audible above the hiss of the oxygen mask, but Dr Biro moved in closer and heard his answer.

"No... Carson... something's wrong..." Sheppard's eyes slid closed and the heart monitor settled into a rhythmical beat. Dr Biro activated her radio.

"Dr Weir... Can you come to the infirmary immediately?"

"On my way Dr Biro... is there a problem?" Elizabeth had been unaware of any patients in the infirmary; she was curious as to what was so urgent.

"I will explain when you arrive." Dr Biro was unsure how secure the channel was and she didn't believe this kind of thing should be broadcast for the city to hear.

Five minutes later Elizabeth entered the infirmary. Searching out Dr Biro, she found her standing by an occupied bed. As Elizabeth drew closer to the bed she realised the identity of its occupant. Colonel Sheppard lay shifting restlessly in sleep, pale and clammy.

"What happened? Why wasn't I informed that the Colonel had been injured?" Dr Weir was angry at being kept out of the loop.

"I assumed Carson would have informed you, I have just arrived on shift Dr Weir. However there is a more pressing matter that I need to share." Elizabeth sat beside John, as Dr Biro explained finding Sheppard awake and in obvious distress at being intubated and restrained. She also showed the notes Carson had made on John's chart explaining that John had presented with breathing difficulties after exposure to an unknown type of plant. Carson had noted that blood work showed the presence of high levels of toxin, leading to the Colonel's deterioration and ultimate sedation and the necessity of placing him on a ventilator.

Elizabeth absorbed the evidence with building shock as Dr Biro further explained that John's original results had actually been clear and that subsequent blood tests had conclusively proven this. The second blood test had also shown that only a small amount of sedative and muscle relaxant had been administered, which resulted in the Colonel's complete awareness of his entire time on the ventilator.

Elizabeth was close to tears; she couldn't believe that Carson would do such a thing. Elizabeth radioed for a security detail to collect Dr Beckett and the nurse who had also signed off on the chart, and bring them to the infirmary. Ten minutes later, Dr Beckett entered the infirmary protesting at the security detail and complaining at being woken up for no reason.

"Carson!" Elizabeth was in no mood for patience she wanted answers. Carson ceased talking instantly and turned to look at Elizabeth standing beside the Colonel's bed. He also registered that the Colonel was no longer intubated.

"What the bloody hell is going on? Why has Colonel Sheppard been taken off the vent? He had serious breathing difficulties, he needed to be allowed to heal." He headed towards the prone man, only to be brought up short by one of the guards.

"Carson. John is not ill. Why did you do this to him?" Elizabeth tried to hide the anger that was bubbling in her veins.

"Elizabeth, love, you are not a medical doctor. You do not understand, the Colonel was exposed to a very dangerous toxin, he was dying. I had no choice but to intervene."

"Carson, there is no toxin, the blood work was clear. The Colonel himself told me he was not ill." As Dr Biro began to explain, John began to stir and slowly opened his eyes, taking in the people surrounding him. As his eyes fell on Carson, they widened in panic and he began to try and back away up the bed and onto the pillows, his back pressing against the cold wall of Atlantis.

"John its okay, no one is going to hurt you. You're fine." Elizabeth was by his side rubbing his arm reassuringly. John grabbed her hand and held firm.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" Carson asked in shock at his friend's reaction to him.

"He was awake Carson. He was awake as you intubated him." Dr Biro's words hit Carson like a steam train.

"No, he can't have been! We administered a sedative, he was unconscious. I checked. Everything was happening quickly - he couldn't breathe... Oh my God, what did I do?" Carson had been in medical emergencies more times than he cared to count and he was confident in his ability, but the look on John's face told him what he didn't want to believe. He had made a dreadful mistake.

"John, I am so sorry... I thought you were sedated... I am so sorry." Carson placed his head in his hands. John seemed to hear and calmed down slightly. Dr Biro and Elizabeth helped him to get settled back into a more comfortable position. John's firm grip on Elizabeth's hand never relented.

Imogen entered the infirmary and passed another sheet of paper to Dr Biro.

"I had Imogen take a sample of the substance on the Colonel's uniform to be tested. The results are conclusive. There is no evidence of any toxin or poison of any sort, however it shows the presence of a strong hallucinogen." Dr Biro's face calmed in realisation.

"Carson, you and Vicky touched the Colonel when you completed his post mission check up, you must have absorbed the toxin and some how it caused your perception of the situation to become distorted. What do you remember happening from the moment the Colonel arrived in the infirmary?" Dr Biro probed gently, she needed to find out who else may have been exposed to the toxin.

"He was okay when he first arrived. He was last as usual. I checked over Teyla and Ronon and released them to their quarters. McKay was agitated, he told me that the Colonel had been sprayed by some kind of mist from a plant on the mission. He was overreacting as usual, complaining that he was ill, that he had been close by and was worried that he had also been exposed and might die. I reassured Rodney, did a blood test to humour him and sent him on his way. I then headed over to complete Colonel Sheppard's check. I was thinking about what Rodney said. I knew Sheppard wouldn't volunteer the information, and I was getting a little steamed up." Carson paused for a second.

"Oh my God, when I started the check he seemed okay. I questioned him about his exposure to the substance, and I was checking him over and his lungs sounded wheezy and then he began to have trouble breathing. That was after I touched him. You're right! Oh God, no wonder he struggled. Ronon had to help me hold him down until we got him sedated. I must have some how projected my anger into a visual hallucination of Sheppard's exposure. Oh God. I did this." Carson sat down heavily on the chair beside Sheppard's bed.

Elizabeth's free hand reached her radio and she activated it asking Ronon to come to the infirmary. Within minutes he arrived at a run.

"Is Sheppard okay?" He looked concerned, as though he was expecting bad news. Sheppard reacted the same way toward Ronon as he had with Dr Beckett.

Ronon however, reacted to the news of what he had helped to do by punching a dent into the nearest wall.

"I helped torture him," was all he said before turning to leave, only to find his path blocked by two nervous looking guards. He growled at them menacingly.

"Ronon. Wait! You need to be checked over, you where exposed to the substance," Dr Weir called, attempting to de-fuse the situation.

Dr Biro thoroughly checked over anyone exposed to the substance. Given that Carson had had the knowledge to ensure that everyone had showered and changed, the exposure had not had a lasting effect. However the implication of what each of them had done to a man who had put his life on the line for them on so many occasions had devastating effect.

oOo

Sheppard had recovered quickly once he had been taken off the ventilator. Two days later, after much complaining and two escape attempts, he was finally released to his quarters. He had not seen either Ronon or Carson since he regained consciousness and his constant requests to Teyla and Rodney to find them had not been successful, hence the two escape attempts. He picked up his radio and secured his holstered hand gun around his waist and was about to head out of the door in search of both men when someone knocked at his door.

Sheppard opened the door to find a pale and uneasy Carson turning to leave, having had second thoughts.

"Carson, wait. I want to talk to you." Sheppard couldn't quite shake the feeling of unease. He knew Carson had been ill and hadn't meant to cause any pain, in fact he realised Carson had been battling to save his life. Carson stopped and turned back to face Sheppard.

"Colonel, I am so sorry. I understand completely if you wish that your medical care be dealt with by another medic. I can't begin to make amends for what I did."

"Carson, stop. Its okay, I know what happened now, Dr Biro told me about the hallucinogen. It's not your fault, you where just trying to save my life." Sheppard was sincere. Carson paused for a moment as the words sunk in and sighed in relief, although he did not look completely at ease.

"Just so you know. You are officially banned from sticking anything down my throat ever again!" Sheppard's face cracked into a broad grin as he patted Carson on the shoulder.

"Look Doc, it wasn't pleasant, and I am in no hurry for a repeat performance, in fact if I never find myself on a ventilator again, it will be too soon! Now help me find Ronon, he is avoiding me too." The two men headed off to the most likely hideout of the large Satedan. They knew they had found the right place as two marines limped out of the gym.

"Oh bloody hell, it's a good job I came along. Ronon seems to be releasing his anger through a spot of marine bashing." Carson looked worried. Sheppard just grinned; some of those marines needed to be knocked down a peg or two.

The conversation with Ronon was shorter than with Carson. Ronon did not say much at the best of times. He just listened to Sheppard and seemed to accept what he said.

"Sheppard, what I did was unforgiveable. I caused pain and suffering; what I did was no better than the Wraith."

"Hey, don't go there big guy. I am still here, I recovered. This is not even close to what the Wraith do." He clasped Ronon on the shoulder. Ronon simply stared at John showing neither acceptance nor disagreement.

"You feel like a run?" Sheppard was wired; too much time in the infirmary did that to him. There was a moments pause before Ronon responded.

"Think you will keep up?" Ronon grinned.

"Is that a challenge?" Sheppard replied. Ronon responded by shoving a water bottle into Sheppard's hand and taking off at a sprint out of the gym.

"We're good." Sheppard whispered, smiling to himself as he took off after the Satedan, leaving Carson tending to a handful of battered and bruised marines.

"Bloody idiots will never learn." Carson grinned. Everything would be just fine.

The End


End file.
